The Truth of Those Tears...

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

I have never been comfortable with the uncomfortable feeling that overwhelms my soul when I'm fighting back tears.  You know they're coming.  You can feel the dam is about to burst, and the lump in your throat is all that remains.  The waterworks will soon begin.

I remember when I was in junior high school, we had just finished running outside.  At that stage of my life, I wasn't a runner.  The only "thing" motivating me to run was the sound of an ice cream truck one block away from Delaware Street.  Under those circumstances, I was an Olympic sprinter! As our junior high team of "elite" athletes prepared to walk into the building, I chose to take a little detour.  With my head down and sweat pouring everywhere, I started walking past a portable and then rammed head first into an outdoor-mounted air-conditioning unit that just happened to be at my eye level.  I remember being flat on the pavement and looking up at the sky.  I remember the tears and the all too familiar lump in my throat.  These were tears of overwhelming hurt.

I am a proud long-time member of a church congregation that has weathered many storms in recent years.  As a family, we have grieved sudden loss and the unexpected departures of staff members.  At times, the winds of change have blown so strong, it has been hard to stand up.  By God's grace and mercy, we have not only been able to stand, we've found ways to stand taller.  I cannot begin to explain how many times I have sat in our sanctuary and known the tears were coming.

So it was, on March 3rd, that our worship space began to fill.  Families and friends gathered.  The mood felt lighter, and the laughter sounded happier.  As our hearts prepared to worship Him with song, the lump in my throat emerged.  The familiar tears formed in my eyes.  This...This is what I came to realize.  The scared, clumsy junior high younger me once feared those tears.  In my mind, perhaps I viewed them as a sign of weakness.  Now, so many years later, I am proud of those March 3rd tears.  These were tears of relief as our church celebrated a change of leadership with a new senior pastor.  These were tears of peace as God's presence among us was so real.  These were tears of hope as the youth gathered beside me and sang their hearts out. Praise God for the countless ways tears can display His majesty woven into every season of life.

Perhaps these words from a Mercy Me song describe moments like these better than me...

Jesus come and break my fear.

Awake my heart and take my tears.

Find your glory even here...

When the hurt and the healer collide.

On March 3rd, I believe tears of past hurt and grief met Jesus.  These were tears of healing. In that beautiful sacred moment, He gently reminded all of us...
I am here.
I am alive in this place.
The beauty of my healing love, mercy and grace fills this space. Breathe in my peace.

How great is our God! Amen.